Crippling Loneliness

I felt very lonely for the past few days -- weeks, even. I think that's not going outside of your room for days does to you. But here's the thing, I'm usually fine with complete solitude. So the question is, what happened to me? Honestly, I don't know. I feel like days passed like unrecognizable blurs, and I'm floating like a non-existent space, if that makes sense. I realized that this usually means that I'm losing myself, or feeling nelangsa, even though I'm not entirely sure if that's the right word to describe it, but I'm not in the mood to do a research to find the true meaning of a damn word because it would cost me hours of my day (even though I've wasted like 5 hours of my day today instead of studying because I lost almost all of my motivation to study, but yeah.) 

Yesterday I opened Instagram after a long day of constant procrastinating-stressing-procrastinating cycle, and I feel my eyes burning : I wanted to cry. I feel like every body else's life are so pretty and free, while I'm stuck here with my lack of motivation to study when final exam is three days ahead of me. I also feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore, I honestly just want to take a break and throw away all of my worries and concerns about reality. I wanted to escape for so long, to the point that I think that, you know what? I think this is my true desire, what my soul really long for; and well, that's not wrong. One day I decided to make "Living Completely Alone By Myself on My Cute Little House That I Bought With My Own Money Later in The Future" as my motivation to study hard and surprisingly, it works! ... For a minute or two. Then I fell down to the nasty slump of procrastination, again. You know, like what I'm doing exactly at this very moment, right now. I've been only learned two subjects for the test, when I actually need to learn at least eight, yes, eight subjects so I don't panicked like a hungry cat when the test day actually arrived. And by the way, I don't know why I use "Hungry Cat" as a visualization of me panicking because I haven't learned enough subjects, but I guess it's because I do screech like a grumpy cat when I'm panicked -- at least I screeched inside if the situation's not right for me to do so, I'd hiss like Gollum, LOL.

Huh, I don't know what to write anymore, and I think it's because I am currently panicking because of the reason that I just wrote right before this sentence. Sooo, aight, I think I'm gonna go now. Please pray for my motivation to come back again, I'm tired of this endless procrastination cycle. Good day.